Entries from November 2008
There are four basic habits a person must demonstrate to be successful in relationships, says Dr. Noah Kersey (a licensed psychologist in Indiana) in his recent blog post. I found this post insightful and useful not only to be be reminded of four important traits we should all be working on to improve our relationships, but also those to instill in our children to enable them to later have positive relationships. Read the full article at this link:
http://www.smallerindiana.com/profiles/blogs/the-4-habits-of-highly
You can also visit his website at www.LifeCareCounselingServices.com
Categories: Communication · Relationships · love · marriage · personal growth
Tagged: children, Communication, empathy, family, generosity, happiness, love, marriage, maturity, raising children, Relationships, successful relationships
What do you do to stay on the cutting-edge or to generate new ideas or personal growth? Do you read from a wide variety of sources? Do you seek out new people from different backgrounds? Do you find yourself drawn to new subjects? Do you then explore them, or do you say you wish you had time to explore them? Do you have a mentor either for your personal or professional life? Do you volunteer?
A few years ago, Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple, gave an inspiring commencement speech at Stanford University, during which he expressed the need to expand your horizons and follow your heart. He explained how he dropped out of college (mostly due to financial strain on his parents) and then started “dropping in” on classes of interest. A chance decision to take a calligraphy class taught him about great typography and became very useful in creating Apple computers, eventually shaping the way we use fonts in every desktop computer today. At the time, taking a calligraphy class seemed like a useless activity, but he found it fascinating. Clearly, this knowledge became invaluable in his work and well worth the time. “You cannot connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking back,” he says. See the speech at http://www.collegetips.com/college-graduation/steve-jobs-commencement.php or Google Steve Jobs commencement speech.
I think this kind of exploration comes naturally to children. My son is 7 years old and is regularly fascinated by something new—music, the planets, chess, and this week, the periodic table of elements. Instead of sleeping, we’ll find he sneaks books or other materials into his bunk bed. A few days ago we found note cards in his bed related to Moh’s scale, which measures the hardness of minerals from talc to diamonds. I asked him where he learned about it, and he said, in a book he picked up. I have no idea how or if these interests will shape him; I just feel it’s my job to encourage exploration.
I think trying to continually learn new things makes us more interesting to others, including our spouses. Learning something new together can even bring you closer. Learning about each other is also a great idea. By learning and changing together, you can prevent becoming one of the couples who conclude, “We just grew apart.”
Each person has his or her own path in life, and meandering off the well-worn path is what makes you unique. You may find that following your interests will contribute meaningfully in your life. As Steve Jobs said, you will only be able to connect the dots looking back. What do you hope to see when you look back? What unusual decisions are you glad you made? How did they contribute to your life or relationships?
Categories: Communication · Relationships · love · marriage · personal growth
Tagged: career success, cutting edge, expand horizons, follow your heart, happiness, interests, learn new things, life path, love, marriage, new ideas, Relationships, Steve Jobs, successful relationships
November 12, 2008 · 1 Comment
“Whatever I treasure and enjoy—this home, our ranch, the sight of the sea—all would be without meaning if I didn’t have you. I live in a permanent Christmas because God gave me you.”– Ronald Reagan
I hear a lot of people talking about needing to scale back this Christmas. From the large crowds in the malls already, I’m not sure they will stick to their goals. What if there was a gift you knew your spouse would really treasure, and it would cost you nothing but your time and effort? The gift is a love letter. Wait! Before you get too scared, please at least hear me out.
The book, “My Dear President,” details hundreds of letters between Presidents and their wives, from George Washington to George Bush. It’s fascinating to not only read about their lives but about their feelings for one another so eloquently expressed. They don’t call Ronald Reagan “The Great Communicator” for nothing. Not only did he communicate well with a nation, he communicated his love with amazing detail in daily letters. The book “I love you, Ronnie,” details these letters, but you can read a quick glimpse here http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4201869/. No matter where he was, Reagan made time to write letters to his wife, whether they were in different countries or in the same room.
My point is that if the President of the United States can make time to write letters to his wife, so can you. I know you are used to emailing and text messaging and maybe aren’t used to expressing your feelings. So, here are a couple of suggestions. Don’t buy a greeting card and write a line at the bottom. Write a real letter with at least a couple of paragraphs and a beginning and closing. You get extra points for nice stationery and hand writing instead of typing. Tell your spouse not only what you appreciate about what he or she does, but also what you appreciate about who they are and what they mean to you. Express your gratitude and love. If you need further inspiration, read one of the books mentioned above. Or link to this IBJ article, which includes one of the greatest love letters I have ever read, from a Civil War Union officer to his wife while on the battlefield. Go to: www.ibj.com and search for Mike Redmond’s column title ”The art of letter writing.”
Chances are that your spouse doesn’t remember many of the gifts from years past. But great letters become treasures for generations.
While you’re at it, draft a letter to your children, your parents or those you want to know how much you care about them. Even hand-written notes to business associates stand out because they are so rare.
Share your letter-writing experience. Have you written or received a letter that has great value to you?
Categories: Communication · Relationships · love · marriage
Tagged: Christmas, Christmas gift, family, free gift, gift, husband, improve marriage, letters, love, love letter, love letters, marriage, Relationships, successful relationships, wife
Lots of people seem to run from the idea of marriage as if it may cause them financial and physical ruin. As I alluded to in previous posts, there are actually many documented benefits of marriage—physical, mental and economic among others. I wouldn’t suggest getting married just to cash in on these benefits, mind you, but engaged and married couples might be happy to know these facts. And those fearful of marriage might find it eases fears.
It’s clear that I have a pro-marriage perspective. However, let me say up front that I realize that not all divorces can or should be prevented, especially if any kind of abuse is occurring. My intent is to provide positive information about marriage.
In the interest of brevity, I will touch on just a few physical benefits of marriage. I’d be happy to share more details if you are interested. Next time, I’ll share some surprising health benefits that married parents provide to their children.
For the adults:
1) Married people live longer than similar individuals who are single or divorced, even after factoring in income, race and background. (This is true for women, but there’s an even stronger correlation for men.)
2) Men and women who are married have lower rates of substance abuse and alcohol consumption than unmarried individuals, even after controlling for genetic factors and family background.
3) Married individuals have a much lower rate of suicide than those who divorce. Men and women who divorce are tragically twice as likely as married individuals to attempt suicide. Married women have lower rates of suicide than divorced, widowed or never-married women.
4) Married men and women are on average healthier than single, divorced or cohabiting individuals. Researchers don’t know if this is because healthier people get married or because marriage helps them to stay healthier. However, they do know on average married couples live healthier lifestyles, monitor one another’s health and have more wealth, which all probably contribute to better health. A large study of retired individuals showed much less disease and impairment in married individuals than widowed, divorced or cohabiting individuals, after controlling for age, race and sex. A caveat here is that better quality marriages led to better health outcomes! Stress inside or outside a marriage is never good for one’s health.
What do you think—is marriage good for your health or is it irrelevant? Why?
Sources:
Marital Status and Health: United States, 1999-2002.
Why Marriage Matters, Second Edition by Institute for American Values.
“Mortality Differentials by Marital Status: An International Comparison,” Demography 1990.
Categories: Relationships · love · marriage · personal growth
Tagged: benefits of marriage, cohabiting, divorce, family, good health, happiness, health, health benefits, live longer, long life, love, marriage, marriage benefits, marriage statistics, Relationships, successful relatioinships, suicide
